My world in bits and bites.

-My mother-in-law still does not have a surgery date and I am getting pretty pissed off about it. In two weeks she went from having one spot on her kidney to having three. They know where the cancer is, they know what has to be done and someone is still dragging their feet. She refuses to let me call them, she is trying to be patient and is probably afraid that I will make someone mad and prolong things even more but she is feeling lousy and getting very frustrated. She sleeps a lot and she cries a lot and nobody deserves that, least of all her. I might be forced to kick some ass… and I might take a great deal of pleasure from that.

-My husband’s brother Earl came out to see his mom (Katy) a couple weeks ago. He put on the big altruistic front but he is nothing but a selfish, self-absorbed, cockknocker with a god complex. We went for dinner and all he did was complain about staying at his mom’s… her home was small, stinky, noisy and he doesn’t like the man she’s been with for 20 years. I told him repeatedly “Suck it up (princess) it isn’t about you!” I could see that Katy and Sal were uncomfortable having Earl at their place so after two glasses of wine I offered to let him stay at our house. My husband’s eyes got really big. He was on graveyard shift that week and he knows I can’t stand Earl and he would never have made such an offer as he knows better than to put me in the position of playing hostess to his asshole brother. One more glass of wine and I might have invited Hitler to come for a visit. Shockingly, my bil immediately accepted my offer. I was mortified and about to break up with wine for betraying me but as it turns out it was a cathartic experience. I am not the 21 year old he walked over and mistreated 21 years ago at my wedding. I am not afraid of or intimidated by him in the least and having him here allowed me to vent and speak my peace about all of the mistreating he has done to me as well as his family. I did not attack him, but when a topic came up I spoke my mind and let him have it.

One conversation went as follows:
“You know what I remember about your wedding?” he asked.

“That you spent the entire weekend telling everyone that we shouldn’t be getting married? Or that we were too young, or that you claimed I was trapping your brother by getting knocked up? Ot that I was just after his money… which I am still looking for by the way.” I struck fast and hard.

“I was going to say the mosquitoes.” He winced a little.

Of course he retracted much of what he had said but he also defended himself. I expected no less but I felt better about it. I was far more angry about his treatment of his mother and how he could come all the way out here (for the first time in 21 years) and be so cunty toward her. I made it very clear that his actions were unconscionable and unacceptable at any time but more so given her current condition. I told him he was a bully and his intensity and narrow-mindedness are not what she needs right now (or ever) and that he should get the fuck off her back and accept that this is who she is and how she chooses to live her life. He took most of my criticism well but the sad fact is that in his mind everything (and everyone) should be a certain way and anything less is worthy of his scorn.

My husband was appalled at some of his brothers words and behaviour and stated matter of factly “He needs medication.”

I told my son of my experience with the houseguest from hell and all of his OCD and ADD and twitchy high strung actions and The Boy said “Oh my god, he is dad times ten!”

Earl was sadder to leave than we were to see him go but I am relieved that I got the opportunity to purge and defend my MIL. Earl is, was and always will be, a dick.
Dick, dick dick dick of Earl.

-Speaking of purging, I also recently had a small (but powerful) breakthrough with my mother. She got snarky with me over a comment I made about childhood responsibilities, “Oh here we go, all about your horrible childhood.” she rolled her eyes in exasperation. I (very calmly) explained to her that I did not have a horrible childhood but that I felt neglected by her as a kid. My younger brother got a lot of attention because he was sick for his first three years and a badass as he got older and my baby brother was the golden child and perfection in a diaper so even as a teenager I (felt like I) didn’t matter. I was a sad child who became a pissed off teenager who turned into a bitter adult. For the first time I was able to defend that little girl who felt unworthy, unaccepted and often unloved. I got to stand up for the injustices she felt.

At first my mother was defensive but I kept my voice soft and was very clear that despite all circumstances it was how I felt at the time and whether or not they were justified or exaggerated they were MY feelings to feel. I think she got it. At one point she admitted that she didn’t feel like I needed her. My mom thrives on being needed, it’s like her purpose and gaining that knowledge spoke volumes to me. We both gained some understanding that day.

When she left she hugged me hard and said “Don’t ever think that there was ever a moment that I never loved you.”  
We may have turned a corner.

-Without going into too much detail (because I don’t know if he’d have issues with me sharing) my baby brother is not well. He’s lost a lot of weight since February and not because he is trying. His belly is a mess and he has panic attacks when he eats making him unable to eat much at all. My SIL is afraid, she doesn’t know how to help him and the tests that their doc is doing are taking too long and thus far nothing is improving. They were here this weekend and I hardly recognize my brother, he neither looks nor acts like himself. I am very concerned and would do anything for my brother but there is nothing I can do and I am feeling horribly helpless.

-In lighter news, I have lost 41 lbs since February (although unlike my brother I have to work at it every day) and I am desperate for some clothes that do not hang off of me so my husband is taking me to the city for a bit of a shopping trip for our anniversary and my birthday and to shut me up about not having anything to wear.

-In even better news, MY BOY IS COMING HOME!!!! He finished his exams in the middle of August and then he has almost three weeks before his next term begins. I am beyond excited that I’ll get to (s)mother him for that long when I haven’t even seen him since Xmas. I am counting the days!  52 to go!!