07.10.08
anniversary present
Twenty years ago today a pregnant twenty year old took her father’s arm and walked (waddled?!) down the aisle toward the boy who knocked her up. There were over a hundred people in my parent’s back yard that day but that boy with the big 80’s hair and the atrocious mustache was the only person I saw. He had tears in his eyes by the time I reached him. “You are so beautiful.” he whispered to me as he took my hand from my dad.
It was not a fancy wedding, my parents were caterers back then so they did the cooking, my cousin tended the bar, my maid of honor wore her grad dress from two years earlier, a friend of my mom’s made my dress (they don’t make maternity wedding dresses), the DJ was a family friend and the cake was a gift from my former boss. It was a lousy day for July, cloudy and blah but just as we said our “I do’s” the sun broke through. The day was full of stresses beyond the unsettled weather (rain really puts a damper on an outdoor wedding), the mosquitoes were the worst I had ever seen, there was a smorgasbord of scents to attract them and the bastards were ravenous. My brother-in-law spent the entire weekend telling anyone who’d listen that I was trapping his baby brother, I only wanted him for his money (HA!! If only!!) and that we were too young to get married. The biker neighbor got loaded and passed out before the ceremony even started but fortunately (NOT!) he woke just in time to strategically place himself in the background of several of our pictures. Some people have a flowery background in their photos…we had a drunk biker they called Klinger. The best man broke his leg the week before so he hobbled around trying to keep his crutches out of the photos. The same photos that were taken by a supposed professional photographer friend of my MIL, the photos that got ‘lost in the mail’ only to resurface six years later when she was moving, sadly they were mostly crap anyway. None of that matters any more now than it did then. Yes I was disappointed about the pictures but even they were not what that day was about. I didn’t care that we had to string up ugly orange tarps in case it rained, I didn’t care that my brother-in-law was (is) an asshole, I didn’t care that it looked like a shotgun wedding (I totally would have loved it if my dad had walked me down the aisle carrying a shotgun!), it wasn’t about the gifts or the food or the music (although they were perfect) the day was about celebrating our love and future together with our family and friends. For my mother-in-law however it was about ensuring that her grandchild not be born a bastard.
The preacher stood atop the lid to the septic tank as he joined us in matrimony. We giggled about it later knowing that it was not a sign that our marriage was bound for the shitter, it was more about not taking things too seriously. Laughter has gotten us through some pretty rough times over the years, my husband knows how to tickle my funny bone…even when he doesn’t mean to and it’s really hard to stay mad at someone when they make you laugh. The ceremony was short and sweet and the word ‘obey’ had been removed from the vows at my request. It was easy to promise to love and honor but I told the minister “Obeying is for pets and children.”
We spent our wedding night in a hotel not four blocks from where we lived at the time. We thought we’d have some dirty hotel sex but I was so exhausted that I couldn’t stay awake to consummate our marriage on our wedding night. The evidence of our premarital consummation was six months along in my belly so between him and the whole wedding thing I was worn out. My husband had a feeling things would work out that way so he thought ahead and booked the room for a second night and we made up for the momentary abstinence.
My husband is upset that we can’t afford to give this milestone the attention that he feels it deserves. Financially it’s just not possible to do anything big this year. We are putting any extra into our cabin and that’s more than enough celebration for me. We could have gone into (more) debt for a vacation but what we’ll spend on that little shack by the lake will be far less than what a holiday would have cost and it will last us much longer. We fully intend to sit on that deck and watch our grandchildren play on the lawn one day. Still he feels bad that he isn’t giving me some kind of gift. I know it sounds corny as hell and it’s all I can do to keep from gagging on the syrup of it, but he is my gift. He is everything to me and all that I want from him is his love (and patience) and he gives that to me freely and without condition. He is my best friend (I typed ‘fiend’…that works too) he is my favorite companion, he knows me better than anyone and loves me in spite of it and he still rings my bell in bed…or on the picnic table or the kitchen counter or in the bathtub or the front seat of the truck etc. etc.
It doesn’t feel like we’ve been married twenty years, I still adore him as much as I did back then and I still get all squishy when he gives me that look that tells me that I still make his heart flutter too. Sure he makes me mental some days and we’ve had plenty of rough (and some really shitty) times where it would have been easier to go our separate ways than to do the work to stay together. I guess somehow we knew if we could make it through those bad times intact that we could survive anything. I can’t even imagine a life without him and I look forward to the rest of my life with him.
I don’t normally post pics of myself but this was too good (bad?!) not to share. Please note the drunken biker behind us and the pathetic attempt at photography…wtf?!
just the two of us...and Klinger
stacey said,
July 10, 2008 at 5:46 am
awww! happy anniversary!
heidiland said,
July 10, 2008 at 5:56 am
If you can live together and still laugh together after twenty years, you are definitely doing something right! You two seem to have the kind of friendship (or is that fiendship?) within your marriage that I don’t think many people have.
A drunk biker named Klinger, eh? I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again…
You Canadians know how to partay!
heartinhand said,
July 10, 2008 at 6:23 am
Happy Anniversary you two! Is it me or does Klinger look a little like Jesus?
Just sayin’.
May the power of Klinger give you two another twenty years! Much love!
I totally shouldn’t comment when I’ve had three coolers. Totally. Like, it took me forever to type this. Oy!
Sallie said,
July 10, 2008 at 8:22 am
Happy Anniversary B!
Love the photo
oniongirl said,
July 10, 2008 at 3:58 pm
happy anniversary Ben!
i’ve been married for 10yrs – living with my ‘fiend’ for 15yrs – and i reckon i’m in pretty much the same place you are. sure, i’ve had/have moments when i just dont get what its all about – and i want to stomp off into the mills and boons yonder – but they’re moments; a testament to my very human feminine psyche and i’m darned sure he longs for a submissive blondie with big (ger) tits some days…
but i wouldnt trade it. it rocks (tables, backseats and bathroom cupboards). my life is good. i still get PDA’s regularly. it still aint safe to pull the bathplug out when he’s around… and he makes me lmao, Particularly when he isnt trying.
i think its awesome that you have that – and i’m thankful that you reminded me today that i have it too.
i’m damned sure your husband feels exactly the same way about you.
Steve said,
July 10, 2008 at 5:45 pm
Happy anniversary.
MAN! I just don’t have much in me to say anymore. Hopefully it will pass. It’s great to hear you two stick together. It’s what life is about.
krissie said,
July 10, 2008 at 9:21 pm
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!
Hey, maybe you could celebrate…on the picnic table *wink*
XXXX
Deej said,
July 11, 2008 at 5:33 am
Happy Anniversary! I loved the story of your wedding – especially since we are in the midst of planning my son’s wedding. It’s going to be fairly simple, but I hope wonderful for the two of them.
I think what matters most is the obvious love and devotion you and Heiny feel toward each other. It shows every time you write about him and I always go away touched at how close the two of you are.
Congrats, Ben, for finding someone so very perfect for you.
Betz said,
July 11, 2008 at 7:50 pm
A day late and a camera short but here I are.
I think the two of you on your wedding day look absolutely adorable.
*squishes you both*
Happy Anniversary you guys. I keep telling you to write a book because all the great stuff is in the blog posts you create. Girl, your life, your marriage, your kid all wrapped up in the blanket that is your kickass humor would sell in book form.
I’ll be standing in line at Borders waiting… so get moving because they put chocolate near the registeres at Borders dammit.
thyme said,
July 11, 2008 at 10:41 pm
I am late! Another happy anniversary!
The photo is fabulous, especially the sophisticated oval frame, very elegantly thought up by your photograper.
I agree with the previous speaker. You could make money with the way you write. You could use that style to make anything readable, even a manual or a telephone book would become a best seller.
Have you ever tried?
Bitzky said,
July 11, 2008 at 11:26 pm
This was the best wedding description ever! You guys are so luck to have found each other
I must admit that I didn’t recognize Heiny at first. He looks so much more… 80s on that picture 
No, wait, dont tell him that or he will never want to be in my pool team again!
Lady Visine said,
July 12, 2008 at 5:24 am
Happy Anniversary to both of you! What a great photo – with the mountain background, the beautiful bride and your handsome hubby with an extra ear… LOL!
I wish you 40 score more with your beloved and great health to enjoy each day of those decades. <3 Oh yeah, the grass is always greener over the septic tank.
Chica said,
July 12, 2008 at 6:23 am
Damn that krissie stole my picnic table line! hehe What a sweet post though, you both are jsut so sappy and sweet!
I wish you the best this year and the many years ahead you two have together.
BTW, LOVE the picture, it’s actually not to bad besides the strange circle around it.. lol
Melissa said,
July 13, 2008 at 1:25 pm
Awww…Happy Belated Anniversary!!
aintgotno said,
July 14, 2008 at 9:36 pm
and he still gets wood in walmart …
bastard.
Squilla said,
July 14, 2008 at 11:33 pm
Oh Ben! I love you so much! Priceless Priceless Priceless!
Happy Anniversary, you guys! *gives standing ovation*
XXXXXXX
slayerbarbie said,
July 15, 2008 at 2:52 am
I love it. I absolutely love it. 80’s hair, nasty biker and all.
Happy anniversary. You just warmed my cold, tiny, twisted black heart.
LOTGK said,
July 15, 2008 at 12:57 pm
Jamie Farr gets around.
Happy Anniversary!
greenfairy said,
July 30, 2008 at 11:30 pm
Happy Anniversary for both of you. Its wonderful when you find your soul mate, actually your everything and look back and say that’s the reason for my beautiful life. That’s how i feel about my wifey. May you have 1000 more wonderful years together.