We were a little late getting to the first OPP (old people party), it was a surprise…not that we were late, I think that was expected.  The organizers knew that we had two events to attend that day so we’d not be arriving before the grand entrance.  We call her Aunty Dill because she makes the best pickles ever and despite her not being related by blood she has always been (and always will be) “Aunty” to me.  

Del became part of the family when my mom was just a tot.  She was friends with my grandparents and eventually she and her husband bought the house across the alley from my maternal clan.  My grandparents birthed four daughters, Del and Harold had three sons and though the girls were all older, the seven kids were pretty much raised together.  Del is one of the most sincere, genuine, patient and real people I know, she has lived a giving life but so much of her own has been taken away.  Her middle son was killed in a logging accident when he was in his mid twenties, a few years later her husband Harold died of a heart attack and not long after that her eldest son sat up in bed clutched his chest and died as well.  So much tragedy.  Finally several years later she met Dan and it seemed like Del was getting another chance at happiness.  They were true soul mates, they had all of the same interests and they simply adored each other and truly enjoyed every minute they had together.  Both Del and Dan had shitty first marriages, Harold was a drunk and a bit lecherous and Dan’s ex had been screwing around on him for years.  It was almost as though they appreciated each other even more after what they had been through on the first go ‘round.  I am not sure if Del exhaled or if she waited for the other shoe to drop…I hope for at least a moment she exhaled and believed that all of her misfortune and tragedies were finally behind her. 

Dan got cancer, he died a month before their twelfth wedding anniversary.  She was understandably devastated.  Her world had been right for such a short time and suddenly her joy was ripped from her.  She has since met someone else but they both know that Dan was the real love of her life and he can never be replaced.

My mom wanted to name me after Del and while I am glad that my name does not rhyme with a female body part (thank you Seinfeld) I would have been proud to share the moniker of this woman who I respect, love and admire so much.  At seventy years of age and despite all of her pain and loss she still has an amazing outlook and a heart with more capacity for love than anyone I have ever known.

The garden soiree (sounds better than BBQ) began in the afternoon, there were about fifty people and although I recognized most of them there were few that I knew very well.  When the murderer arrived I was incensed.  How dare that child killer show his face, he should be in jail.  He is Del’s nephew and while driving home drunk one night he rear ended a car carrying a family of five.  He killed one of the children inside and wounded the other two.  This was the second time the drunken manslaughterer had struck and had our justice system done it’s duty the first time that second family would not be mourning such a senseless loss.  I was absolutely infuriated that he is not only free to roam until his trial but also that he is STILL DRIVING!!!  Naturally the cocksucker had a beer in his hand the entire time and acted as though he had not a care in the world.  I wanted to express my disgust but it was not the time or the place so I just had a few drinks of my own and avoided him until it was time to go to OPP#2.

My mother-in-law Katy has been living with Sal for nearly two decades.  Sal has six children of his own and while they have never made any real effort to include us or my MIL he has always treated us all like his own family.  To my son he has always been ‘Uncle Sal’ but really he is as much a grandfather and certainly the only paternal grandfather my boy has ever known.  I absolutely adore Sal, he is now officially an octogenarian but the man is still razor sharp and an authority on farming, gardening, politics, Italy, history and the way all things should be.  I have the best conversations with this man and despite my usual discomfort with old people I love to be around him.  He is stubborn and pig headed and more than a bit of a chauvinist but he knows it and he understands my sense of humour and can take a ribbing as well as he gives it.

Katy asked my boy to prepare a short speech/birthday greeting for Sal to be read at the party.  I rolled my eyes…because that is what I do.  The kid is busy, he doesn’t have time for this stuff right now.  Apparently I have mother issues even with mother-in-laws.  I do love my MIL but she can be kind of old-fashioned sometimes, not that that is always a bad thing but she tends to take it too far.  She used to make us ‘call in’ to visit her relatives when we were traveling because she knew they’d want to see us and it was the ‘right’ thing to do.  After the second time we had to explain to the person in the doorway who we were and that we were not Jehovas Witnesses or trying to sell them something my husband put his foot down and said no more unannounced visits.  

My boy is more scientist than writer so he asked for my help in preparing his speech.  He wrote a quick draft and I edited it and added some extra sentiment and anecdotes, still managing to keep it short and sweet but without the “I regret to inform you that I will not be attending this evening”.  He gets that odd inappropriate formality from his dad who once telephoned someone and said “I am calling on behalf of myself.”

Guido, the emcee, read the note aloud and I watched Sal with tears in my eyes knowing how much this meant to him and how much he means to my kid.  It was a lovely moment and I forgave my MIL for being a pain in the ass.  

Sal’s family always raves about his dead wife Lori.  They talk about her like she was not only the quintessential mother and wife but an all-around saint.  It has always annoyed me that Katy has been the mother-figure in that family for twenty years and still they completely overlook her and take her for granted.  They only pay attention to her when they need her help or a babysitter.  Katy is the type to just accept her role and not make waves so it has been easy for them to take advantage of her.  While he was addressing the crowd Guido went into his spiel about what a wonderful mother he had and what a perfect wife she had been to his father and just as I was about to suck back another glass of wine so that nobody could see my eyes rolling back into my head he said something I didn’t expect.  For the first time in twenty years a member of Sal’s family finally recognized my MIL for the companion she has been to him.  The entire place lit up with applause.  Katy is not the type of woman who does anything for accolades, in fact she is one of the few true christians I know, but even she was touched by the recognition.  It was about time.

I drank the rest of the bottle of wine at our table (I am not much of a wino, it usually gives me a headache but this was homemade and really good…really really good) and by that time I was completely uninterested in the spaghetti and meatball dinner telling my husband maybe I’d act like an ass in front of his peeps for a change.  About the time I threatened to start dancing on the tables and singing along to “That’s Amore!” his highness said it was time to say our goodbye’s and head to the lake.  I’m not sure if he was afraid that I would embarrass him or if he just wanted to take advantage of my dwindling inhibitions.  He stole an unopened bottle of the lovely vino for me from the cooler as we exited the building so I am assuming it was the latter.